Insomnia, Thoughts and Life

Life and Thoughts

     Insomnia can be both your best friend and your worst nightmare at the same time, for me, insomnia is my diary. I would like to consider myself an avid thinker, and it is during these sleepless nights that I have my greatest thoughts, moments of clarity, and sometimes I even shed a few tears thinking about the struggles I am trying to overcome or things that are sacred to me. Over the past few years, these mixed emotions that I suffer from late at night have mainly helped me to reflect and recollect on life and it is in these moments that I have found a new appreciation for life, it’s blessings and shockingly it’s curses.

     The last few years have been rather rough, journeying down a road that once seemed quite smooth and promising, now the journey although at times, is one I would rather not participate in, has truly been a building block and lesson well learned. I have learned more things about myself in the past two years than I had collectively in the 24 I’ve been on earth. I’ve suffered both heartbreak and triumphs, but somehow whether good or bad, I’ve managed to still stand, and I am thankful for that opportunity alone.

      In 2011, I lost my grandfather, after a 16-year battle with leukemia, and as a result I lost all faith in great things happening to great people. My grandfather was my father figure, role model, one of my biggest supporters, but most importantly he showed me what hard work and perseverance could achieve. My grandfather put up a great fight but what stands out most about his bout, was the fact that he NEVER complained. I deal with different things on a daily basis and I’ve come to realize I complain about the small things that sometime aren’t worth my while and eventually stress me out. However, one day I decided to step back, reassess and in that instant I just happened to think about my grandfather and I decided that from that moment on I would live like him. I’m not complaint free by any means, I am still a work in progress, but I want to live a life like he did. He lived life to the fullest; he enjoyed every moment of his time here, surrounded himself with positivity, and always progressed in his faith.

      I’m going to cut this short and leave on this note (getting a little emotional at 3:09 a.m.). Nevertheless, I challenge you to live to share the moments that take your breath away, love those who love you just as much or even harder, learn to be carefree in moments that allow you to be. Lastly, always leave yours footprints to let others know, you were here. Remember, you can’t continue growing if you don’t know where you’re going.


About msznicole

Life has been a calming sea of smiles and a series of erupting volcanoes for me over the last few years. I'm just trying to enjoy each moment as they occur for the time being.

Posted on May 1, 2013, in Life & Inspiration, Realizations, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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