Author Archives: mvmurray

Blissful Love

Where did they create you?

If I could I would duplicate you.

You’re like something not of this world, the dream man of every little girl

Your style, swag, class, and just the right amount of bad ass.

I often wonder what did I do to earn you?

I loved you before I fully learned you.

And like India said, even the things I don’t like I’m cool with because all of that other drama and bull you don’t make me fool with.

Sometimes I feel guilty when sharing stories with other women, but at the same time eager to tell about the blessing I’ve been given.

Why can’t every woman experience only this? This love isn’t ignorance, it is pure

BLISS!

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My Thoughts on Daddy’s Day

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With Father’s Day approaching many thoughts are going through my mind. What feelings does this day bring about for single mothers? What about dads who have left their children? What about sperm donors? One of the most pressing thoughts, though, is how do I make Father’s Day just as important as Mother’s Day?

I get why Mother’s Day is so special. Mothers do all of the grunt work; we sacrifice our bodies, our comfort, and essentially our pre-parental way of life. Fathers on the other hand have more of a choice; they can choose to stay or leave, be supportive or be a dead-beat, be just a father or continue as a family. For the men that make the right choice I think Father’s Day should be just as big as Mother’s Day.

For me Mother’s Day was always a big deal while growing up. Plans were made in advance and we did everything possible to make sure my mom knew how much she was loved and appreciated, even if just for a day. But when it came to Father’s Day we lagged around and did just the minimum, sometimes it felt like we did things just to celebrate the day more than the man. And what makes it even more weird is that my dad was there; we weren’t kids of a single parent home, separated parents, blended family, none of that.

As this is the first time I get to celebrate Father’s Day with a family of my own, I want to make sure that Father’s Day is just as big and as important as Mother’s Day. My son’s father deserves it. And I want my son to know that dad is a vital part of this family, the head of our household, the leader of our pack, and without him our lives would be completely different.

So if you are blessed enough to know your child’s father, one, be thankful. Secondly, if you are blessed enough that your child(ren) have a relationship with their father, celebrate. Celebrate if dad is there to provide love, support, finances, and a good example. Celebrate the man, not just the day.

Sometimes You’ve Got to Let Him Know

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I had to let my man know that I appreciate him. He’s a really good man, the kind they don’t make any more. And while he knows that I love him, sometimes a man just needs to hear it.

I have been up and down, in and out of a rut since I gave birth. I lost my job and my emotions have been all over the place. And even though I know it’s gotten on his nerves at times, he hasn’t blown up on me. He works hard at a 9-5 every day and runs his own business on the side, he cooks every day, he spends time with our son every day which gives me a little break, he helps his parents out every time they need it, makes sure the bills are paid, makes sure I have money in my pocket, and still finds time to encourage me, support me and my dreams, and keep me positive. Even though I see him do it, I don’t know how he does it all.

You know the old saying “give me my flowers while I can still smell them,” well that’s just what I did. I pointed out all that he does and let him know I am grateful. I stroked his ego. Every man needs and wants his ego stroked every now and again. But I also wanted him to know that I notice all that he does and I’m thankful. Don’t assume someone will automatically know. Say it, tell them, and then they’ll know for sure. Whether it’s “I love you,” or “thank you,” or whatever, sometimes you just got to let them know.

Words of Wisdom from Betty White

I thought this was funny but oh so true.

If I Am Not My Hair, Why Am I Trippin’ When It Sheds?

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“I am not my hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.”

~India Arie~

I have always had a pretty decent grade of hair, not the best but also not the worst. I’ve complained about it, hated it, experimented with it, cut it, burned it out, almost everything except color it. As a teenager I got my hair done professionally twice a month, faithfully. My hair was long and healthy, people would often ask if I had a weave or a relaxer and would be in disbelief when I proudly told them “no.” Of course when I left home and started doing it myself it began to fall out. I messed my hair up so bad that at one point I had to cut it to begin its restoration process.

I fell in love with my hair again while I was pregnant. It grew back to my teenage years when my beautician had it long and healthy. I read an article on hair growth during pregnancy and learned that the hair doesn’t necessarily grow any better or faster, it just doesn’t fail out. Hair has a natural shedding process. During pregnancy your hormones or something slows down that shedding process, so hair that would normally shed doesn’t do so, which is why it appears longer and maybe thicker. The article also mentioned that your hair will resume its natural process right after delivery.

I’ve been postpartum for three months now and I think my hair is trying to get back to pre-pregnancy look. It’s done its normal shedding, but this week it seemed to shed more than usual. And when I washed it, my hair shed EXCESSIVELY! I’m talking shed enough to weave up two chicken heads. I felt like I was going bald! I wanted to keep my long pregnancy mane and grow it longer. But why was I tripping so hard? I’ve been taught that your hair doesn’t define who you are. It doesn’t make you any better than the next girl and it shouldn’t be flaunted as the only thing you have going for yourself. Yes you want your hair to look nice, but wow them with your knowledge, your poise, your confidence, your grace, and everything else that makes you not only a damn good woman but an amazing person. Just let your hair complete the package ;-).

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child…and to Keep It’s Mother Sane

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I received an unexpected text from the wife of a former coworker the other day. She gave birth to a baby girl a few weeks after I had my son. I never spoke directly with her while either of us were pregnant, nor did I authorize her husband to give her my phone number. But her text made me feel so good. She wanted to get together with the babies some time, to work out, go for a walk, go shopping, or just hang. My community of moms continues to grow and I never thought I’d even have one to begin with.

I thought my “village” would consist of mainly family, aunts, sisters, my mother and soon to be mother-in-law, etc. But I’m finding that I am so far from being alone in the newness of motherhood and it’s helping in more ways than one. I’m able to get out of the house and not be the only “baby mama” in the place. It’s giving me a chance to get moving, handle business, and really know that all of the things I’ve been feeling are normal, common, and okay to feel. 

I’m also able to help other new moms. Even though every pregnancy and parenting experience is different, it helps to discuss, exchange ideas and stories and suggestions. I can also get rid of all the stuff my son can’t use like bottles he doesn’t like and clothes he can’t fit. 

I said all that to say I’m excited to see my village grow. I appreciate all the love and support I get to give and receive. And another perk it brings for the future is that my son won’t have to party with all adults at his first birthday (I just hate that for kids).

I Can Do It All, You Little Identity Thief

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My son is the youngest identity thief you’ll ever meet. But I’ve taken a stand and reclaimed my womanhood!

When my son was born life became all about him. I stopped working, stopped exercising, stopped caring about almost anything except him. Motherhood made me feel like I had arrived. But after about 2 months it consumed me. While I was grateful to be a mom, and felt like I had been given the highest honor, I also felt like everything that built up to motherhood had vanished. I was always with my son. Even when I was given a “break” I would still eventually end up changing a diaper, feeding, or putting my son to sleep. On top of that, I was in desperate need of some adult interaction and fun. The icing on the cake came one night I got a call about a consulting gig. The company asked for a proposal the next day. I was excited about the opportunity to make money again. But my fiancee was away at work and my son would not go to sleep. I began to feel like I would never be anything more than a mother. I wasn’t working, I don’t cook (my fiancee likes to cook and is good at it so don’t judge), I don’t go out, my life revolved around my son and there was no room for anything else.

I had had enough. The next morning I typed up that proposal and decided that I would make dinner. With my baby glued to me I made my way to the store, picked up what I needed, came home and began cooking. It took about 4-5 hours from start to finish (everything takes longer with a baby) but I did it and I felt accomplished. I shocked everyone but I needed that. I needed to know that I could still do more than watch a baby all day. I needed to know that I could take care of my family and be a business woman. I know and see women do it every day. I needed to know that I could do it too.

I enjoy being a mom. I just have to learn how to bring everything else into balance. I’ll get it one day soon. Being a mommy is just part of my womanhood.

What Am I Afraid Of?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 

This quote, by Marianne Williamson, is one of my favorites. It really inspires me to live without inhibition. I recently had to remind myself of this quote because lately I’ve felt so unproductive. And the sad part is I really have no excuse as to why I have been lazy. So I asked myself “what’s holding me back? What am I so afraid of that I haven’t gone after my dreams?” I could give you several reasons, but they would all be BS excuses. I’ve accomplished so much, but I am not where I want to be in life. 

I want to be the next Shonda Rhimes, Steven Spielberg, Tyler Perry. I want to be your modern day Claire Huxtable: business woman that still makes time for her husband and kids. I want multiple streams of income; I want to make money while I sleep. But what’s holding me back? Am I Afraid I’ll be too good at it? Will I be so great that I lose myself in awesomeness? But then is that so bad?

Today I challenge you and me to not only be, but be greater than you can even imagine. Be great in your career and business endeavors. Be great in your familial relationships; be that sister, aunt, daughter, cousin they don’t expect you to be. Be great in your love life; be your man’s fantasy woman, that freak he didn’t know he would love; be your own fantasy woman! Let’s stop over thinking it, second guessing, and doubting our own abilities. Let’s stop caring about reactions and rejections. Let’s liberate ourselves and each other.

Salute

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I meant to post this yesterday but time got away from me. While I was reading different statuses and Mother’s Day shout outs I was inspired. This post is dedicated to all the single mothers. To those that have to fill the role of both mommy and daddy. I want you to know that you are my inspiration. In the middle of the night when I want so badly to wake up my fiancee, I think of you; you don’t have that option. When I get frustrated, discouraged, and feel like I can’t do this because I don’t know what I’m doing, I think of you. You are AMAZING! Tackling parenting alone is a hell of an accomplishment and for that I SALUTE YOU!! To those that provide the “daddy’s little girl” feeling, ward off knuckle-head boys, and give your daughter’s first boyfriend the third degree, I SALUTE YOU! To those that teach your little man how to aim right when potty training, explain the human body during puberty, and teach your son how to be a respectful and a respected man, I SALUTE YOU! To the single mothers of multiples, I SALUTE YOU! Whatever the situation, know that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Stay strong and prayerful. I see you doing your thing, so keep doing it well.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!

Living the Dream

Today I packed boxes of food for 100 hungry families in need. It gave me the chance to really think about how blessed I am and have been in life. Here I am, at the tender age of 25, healthy with a healthy family. We have food and a home to shelter us from this weekend rain. We can afford such luxuries as 2 cars, health insurance, cell phones, cable, and many other things that allow us to live  “the good life.” And while I may not have accomplished all of my goals and dreams, today I realized that I’m living out somebody’s dream.

I mean, think about it. Immigrants come to this country in droves for a better life.  And very seldom do the majority of us  take the time to appreciate the simple things. Very seldom do we help out those that are living our nightmares. Take just a moment, right now, to thank God for the little things, the things you didn’t realize you were taking for granted.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for. Not only do I have the aforementioned luxuries, but I also have an abundance of love and support. I was able to leave my child with his father while I went to serve the community. I returned home to a man playing with his son; happily and voluntarily spending quality time with his child. At that very moment I paused and I smiled; thankful that I’m not in a custody battle, that we don’t have an estranged and hostile relationship because of parenting. Whew! I could go on and on for days…but I will spare you.

But I had to share these thoughts to motivate you to take a moment of thanks. And to realize, even through all of your hustle and hard work to succeed and reach your goals, you’re already living out someone’s dream. That’s something to smile about :-).