Category Archives: Realizations

To Do

” To Do

You don’t see me

just a blur, of action

Lists and dates, a task and a deadline

You don’t see me

Just a glimpse of a shadow

Running to and fro

You don’t see me

Just things to do”

tanya

I’ve always prided myself on being able to multi-task and being a great organizer. I have my days planned so things move like clockwork (most of the time). I don’t actually schedule down to the detail but more like “I need to have this done by 7” or “by 8:30 I’ll start working on such and such”. My weekends are planned down to the very last minute that the kids go to bed. Even after the kiddies are slumbering, I plan my “relaxation” time after calculating how much actual sleep time I will get before my early morning run.

I am so bad that when my husband and I last vacationed in Jamaica, I had our days planned and got upset when things didn’t go the way I scheduled them. And I was on vacation! However, after 6 years in this parenting game, two kids, 3 years of marriage and too many years of being back in school, I want to be able to live off schedule! But I don’t think I can shut down that internal clock. Even when I try not to schedule or plan, I still see my day as increments of measured space.

My hope is that I can find a way to slow down and stop looking at the clock. Too often, I lay down to sleep and begin thinking about what I have to do the next day, never stopping to thank God for the day I’ve had. I understand that time is precious and I want to enjoy every moment I have. So starting today, I will stop clock watching and enjoy my time instead of just spending it.

Words of Wisdom from Betty White

I thought this was funny but oh so true.

If I Am Not My Hair, Why Am I Trippin’ When It Sheds?

afro_by_inthe00-d47pbp8

“I am not my hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.”

~India Arie~

I have always had a pretty decent grade of hair, not the best but also not the worst. I’ve complained about it, hated it, experimented with it, cut it, burned it out, almost everything except color it. As a teenager I got my hair done professionally twice a month, faithfully. My hair was long and healthy, people would often ask if I had a weave or a relaxer and would be in disbelief when I proudly told them “no.” Of course when I left home and started doing it myself it began to fall out. I messed my hair up so bad that at one point I had to cut it to begin its restoration process.

I fell in love with my hair again while I was pregnant. It grew back to my teenage years when my beautician had it long and healthy. I read an article on hair growth during pregnancy and learned that the hair doesn’t necessarily grow any better or faster, it just doesn’t fail out. Hair has a natural shedding process. During pregnancy your hormones or something slows down that shedding process, so hair that would normally shed doesn’t do so, which is why it appears longer and maybe thicker. The article also mentioned that your hair will resume its natural process right after delivery.

I’ve been postpartum for three months now and I think my hair is trying to get back to pre-pregnancy look. It’s done its normal shedding, but this week it seemed to shed more than usual. And when I washed it, my hair shed EXCESSIVELY! I’m talking shed enough to weave up two chicken heads. I felt like I was going bald! I wanted to keep my long pregnancy mane and grow it longer. But why was I tripping so hard? I’ve been taught that your hair doesn’t define who you are. It doesn’t make you any better than the next girl and it shouldn’t be flaunted as the only thing you have going for yourself. Yes you want your hair to look nice, but wow them with your knowledge, your poise, your confidence, your grace, and everything else that makes you not only a damn good woman but an amazing person. Just let your hair complete the package ;-).

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child…and to Keep It’s Mother Sane

Community

I received an unexpected text from the wife of a former coworker the other day. She gave birth to a baby girl a few weeks after I had my son. I never spoke directly with her while either of us were pregnant, nor did I authorize her husband to give her my phone number. But her text made me feel so good. She wanted to get together with the babies some time, to work out, go for a walk, go shopping, or just hang. My community of moms continues to grow and I never thought I’d even have one to begin with.

I thought my “village” would consist of mainly family, aunts, sisters, my mother and soon to be mother-in-law, etc. But I’m finding that I am so far from being alone in the newness of motherhood and it’s helping in more ways than one. I’m able to get out of the house and not be the only “baby mama” in the place. It’s giving me a chance to get moving, handle business, and really know that all of the things I’ve been feeling are normal, common, and okay to feel. 

I’m also able to help other new moms. Even though every pregnancy and parenting experience is different, it helps to discuss, exchange ideas and stories and suggestions. I can also get rid of all the stuff my son can’t use like bottles he doesn’t like and clothes he can’t fit. 

I said all that to say I’m excited to see my village grow. I appreciate all the love and support I get to give and receive. And another perk it brings for the future is that my son won’t have to party with all adults at his first birthday (I just hate that for kids).

The Diary of a First Time Mom of Twins: Shedding the Baby Weight

mommy on a scale

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Niv’s Notables: The Power of the Pen

I’m a true believer of the thought that the impossible is possible. Therefore I create vision boards and write notes to place in my God’s Can. I’m constantly writing and quoting my daily I AMs. All of these tools I use to put some of my dreams and positive energy in the universe.

In undergraduate I was a Resident Assistant. We were responsible for attending trainings and doing programs. During my last semester I my Hall Director conducted a training called “God’s Can”. In this training she gave us all a tuflware bowls with God’s Can written on them. She then instructed us to write our prayers, hopes and dreams on a piece of paper and place it into the bowl. After she read the scripture Habakkah 2:2 “Write down the vision and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the vision awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” I complied with her instructions but with hesitation.

Like most “graduating seniors” I was more concerned with graduating than to be consumed with things that were so trivial so I thought. A week before I was scheduled to graduate I was told that I owed the school over 20,000 dollars. Yes, that’s correct $20,000! I was also informed that it had to be paid in full in order for me to graduate. Of course after hearing this news I was devastated. I then realized that I had to explain to my mother why there will be no graduation in my future. I called my mother she was obviously upset. She then asked me what was I going do to about it because she did not have the money. I wanted to snap because I surely didn’t have it. With tears streaming down my face I remembered my God’s Can. I prayed then started writing things down on a pad and placing in in my can. The first being Graduation 2003 more specifically God I need this to happen a week from today. The following Friday my mother called saying she had a check for the amount I needed. Now y’all know I shouted across that stage.

There is power in the pen. If you were to read “The Secret” they would call this the law of attraction. They would tell you that what ever energy you put out in the universe good or bad you will get it in return. I call it the power of the pen.

Write down your vision for your life in great detail. From how you would like you family to operate. To the job or car you want to drive. It is all relevant. If you understand that every vision is God given then you know that it has to come to pass. The key is knowing that it will happen at an appointed time. Don’t rush it enjoy the journey. While you travel though it keep writing. The more you write the more you will see it manifest. The bigger the better. Challenge God with the big stuff and watch him blow your mind.

After all if you can achieve your vision without God then you might not be using his pen.

I’ll Holla

Niv’s Notables: “Dig Me”

Like most of America I am totally obsessed with SCANDAL. I love watching it and I love even more how they are depicting life, lust and love. It has often been said that life is purely black and white. That couldn’t be further from the truth life is full of gray. Especially, when it comes to the dealings of  love. In a recent episode Olivia told Fitz that “if you want me, EARN me”. Girl, can I say that Fitz did just that!

Now, recently I was watching Steve Harvey and he said something so profound. He said “that anything of value in this world, you must dig for them”. In order to attain some of the worlds most precious resources you have to DIG millions of miles below the earth’s surface to find them. Be it water, oil and even every woman’s favorite item diamonds. What I find interesting is that as women we love what that diamond represents, but we don’t require men to DIG for our value.

When God created Eve he had to create her by uncovering Adams ribs; he had to go digging. When he created Adam he didn’t uncover anything because he already created the heavens and the Earth. Understand this, when an Archaeologist performs a dig, months and months of research goes into that dig. They hardly ever consider what happens if they don’t discover anything because they understand that the mere opportunity to attain what they are looking for is more important.

Archaeologist will discover one or two things, either they will find what they were looking for or discover something new. When you go digging you always find something. That is what’s so profound about this digging concept. If you never require him to dig for you how will he ever discover your value or worth? The Bible confirmed  this concept by stating: he who FINDS a wife will find a good thing. You see, it is all about the dig.

So, I say to my sisters understand you’re worth the dig. Make him earn you, dig for you and most of all love the total you. After all we are considered one of most valuable resources in this world.

I’ll Holla

“Dirty Laundry” by Kelly Rowland

Brand new single, “Dirty Laundry,” Kelly Rowland airs things out. The track, from her upcoming album Talk A Good Game, she addresses pain from her past, including a physically abusive boyfriend and a time when she and B weren’t so cool.

What Am I Afraid Of?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 

This quote, by Marianne Williamson, is one of my favorites. It really inspires me to live without inhibition. I recently had to remind myself of this quote because lately I’ve felt so unproductive. And the sad part is I really have no excuse as to why I have been lazy. So I asked myself “what’s holding me back? What am I so afraid of that I haven’t gone after my dreams?” I could give you several reasons, but they would all be BS excuses. I’ve accomplished so much, but I am not where I want to be in life. 

I want to be the next Shonda Rhimes, Steven Spielberg, Tyler Perry. I want to be your modern day Claire Huxtable: business woman that still makes time for her husband and kids. I want multiple streams of income; I want to make money while I sleep. But what’s holding me back? Am I Afraid I’ll be too good at it? Will I be so great that I lose myself in awesomeness? But then is that so bad?

Today I challenge you and me to not only be, but be greater than you can even imagine. Be great in your career and business endeavors. Be great in your familial relationships; be that sister, aunt, daughter, cousin they don’t expect you to be. Be great in your love life; be your man’s fantasy woman, that freak he didn’t know he would love; be your own fantasy woman! Let’s stop over thinking it, second guessing, and doubting our own abilities. Let’s stop caring about reactions and rejections. Let’s liberate ourselves and each other.

Today

Today….

Is the first day of the rest of my life

No pain

No gain

The early bird catches the worm

Forget that I want the money, power and wisdom

Your respect will be duly noted

Let me make it clear before you misconstrue…

See here is the underlying truth

I’m not cocky…But confident

Because I know the God that determines my faith

See Christ determined my fate

Therefore, I fear no man

No woman…no cry

Because at the end of the day

I know where I’ll rest when I die

See I’m the last of a dying…Nah forget that

I am a completely different breed

Cultivated from a very different seed

I am a BRAND

Marketed, packaged and customly made just for you

Today…

Is the first day of the rest of my life